-ˋ jxyi ˊ-

So relatable… like I realized I was a lesbian over 2 years ago but I’m still like. I dunno I’m so not ready for a relationship rn? Like straight people have so many more opportunities to explore and they never have to go through an entire identity crisis in the midst of it (excluding straight trans people, who definitely experience their own difficulties in this arena). Like I feel like I’m still 13 when it comes to relationship stuff because I got such a later start than everyone else. And so I kinda feel like a loser being totally unable to make moves and having literally no experience in virtually everything, but also I know I cant handle that sort of thing. I dont know how to have a relationship. I have only so recently discovered my love of women, after nearly two decades of repressing it, and it’s still so new to me and I have so few role models for how to even move forward. So like? Is it really that weird? Looking at it through that perspective, it seems totally natural and normal for lesbians to be 20, 25, 30 and older and have no experience. Depending on where you are, you might not even have the luxury of knowing a single other wlw! And how are you supposed to explore and be A Youth etc. with no prospects?
I’ve gotten to the point with myself where I’m no longer angry at myself for this. I’m no longer upset with myself for being a “late bloomer.” I wouldnt say I’m proud of it, but I’ve let go of the jealousy and anger. Younger me wasnt ready, and current me isnt, either. And that’s okay.
Even along that same vein, though, it’s frustrating to see all your peers have fun casual hookups and run through new boyfriends each week while you still cant find someone. And I dont mean that in a shitty incel “women owe me attention and sex” kind of way - it’s so isolating to watch your peers grow up and mature while you are left on the sidelines. Not just because you got a later start, but also because so many of your dating pool got a later start, too.
You’re not alone, anon, and you arent abnormal or gross or undatable or anything like that. There are so many other factors that go into meeting the right person. Its okay. You’re okay. Theres nothing wrong with you and itll happen with the right person eventually 💖